Today’s YA Indie Carnival Blog is all about New Year’s Resolutions. Pay attention, folks, because I’m about to announce mine and you won’t want to miss this.
I, Fisher Amelie, hereby resolve not to boss people around anymore.
I know, I know. But why, Fisher? You’re so good at it. I know, you guys, I am very good at it but I’ve decided it’s no longer viable when all I have to offer anymore is my personality. In other words, nobody likes a bossy pants.
Anyway, in order to get this resolution rolling, I’ve decided to flush my system with this little bossy ditty:
New Year’s Eve is one of those holidays we all enjoy. From young to old, we all like a few fizzy drinks whether they be in root beer or in champagne and we all love to stay up late. It’s the perfect holiday.
But it’s definitely one of those holidays that follow a very fine line between ‘cool’ and ‘so not cool’.
So, here’s a small list of things not to do that eventful night.
5) Don’t wear anything that can be considered a threat to national security. This includes anything made of spandex, Polyester blends, anything that needs to be ‘sewn’ onto you, literally and figuratively, anything that can cause someone to say,‘I’ve got the most delicious blackmail fodder’ when they take a pic of you and last but not least, no lingerie needs to be worn on the outside of your clothing or as a substitute of said clothing. This applies to both women and men. I’m speaking through experience, people. Very.Unfortunate.Experience.
4) Old fogies, stop forcing black eyed peas down our young throats. Seriously, traditions are supposed to be fun, amazing things not an excuse to get your kids to eat their vegetables. It will not bring us good luck in our financial fortunes, it will only give us gas. No one wants that. No one.
3) Inebriated men, please do not remove your clothing in attempts to recapture some ridiculous past youthful indiscretion. Streaking is no longer funny after the age of twenty-five and sometimes not even then. What’s the rule? Those who couldstreak, don’t. Those who shouldn’t, do. That’s not a rule? Well, it should be.
2) Inebriated women, please do not dance on tables. Try to remember that you wouldn’t even do that sober let alone a bit on the schnockered side. I can’t tell you how many America’s Funniest Videos I’ve seen of women dancing with that oh-so-precious ‘Aren’t I amazing and beautiful?’ questioning looks on their faces right before they heave-ho into the floor beneath them. It ain’t a pretty sight, especially if they’ve worn a skirt. Hey-oh!!!
1) I saved the best for last. Please don’t drink and drive. It’s stupid. And why they invented taxis. It’s also a sure fire way to spend a night in jail, possibly ruining someone else’s life as well as your own, depending on how lucky you get when you’re out careening the highways like a nincompoop. In other words, be ‘oh so cool’ and hand the keys over to a designated driver or arrange to stay the night wherever you’re drinking. Everybody loves a slumber party! You can have pancakes in the morning. See? Fun.
Thanks so much, everyone! Happy New Year! Stay safe out there! Love you!
The rest of my Indie cast are all awaiting your beautiful eyes. So go…
The Amazing Dani Snell
The Incredible Patti Larsen
The Talented Courtney Cole
The Witty Wren Emerson
The Accomplished Nicole Williams
The Clever Laura Elliott
The Skillful Amy Jones
The Staggering P.J. Hoover
The Brilliant Alicia McCalla
The Resplendent Heather Cashman
The Lustrous Abbi Glines
The Polished Cheri Schmidt
The Inventive Cidney Swanson
The Radiant Rachel Coles
The Gifted T.R. Graves
The Phenomenal Cyndi Tefft
The Lovely Lexus Luke
The Sassy Suzy Turner
The Exceptional Gwenn Wright
The Stupendous Kimberly Kinrade
The Quick J.L. Bryan
The Saucy Darby Karchut
The Magnificent M. Leighton
The Impressive Madeline Smoot